In a distant past of three weeks ago, I was someone who wasn’t drawn to or even remotely interested in having any sort of web presence, particularly for the vast amount of written work I was composing. My reasons aren’t necessarily relevant, as it revolves around my disinterest in the predominant culture presented to be ‘social media & blogging’. There was something grating about the personas thrown about, a virtual cafeteria food fight of pettifoggery and one-sided dogmas. Yet, I had a journalism class this semester that wholly emphasized how tantamount web presence was becoming in our rapidly inter-connecting digital world. So I had to adapt, scrap my previous notions and swallow my pride ( a process of unhinging my jaw and inflating my esophagus whole for this beast wouldn’t down easily). I made a blog via Google to complete the assignment and because I hadn’t been doing the blog posts we were expected to do, I instead just posted my short stories. A lot of these were on Facebook, which is where I’d post them throughout high school, hoping my peers would read them and comment and provide me feedback.So, I just dumped maybe a dozen of them onto this blog, this wretched ‘Kino-Gutai Bundle’ nonsense, and presented it to the class with the mask of ambition. I suggested that I wanted to use this format to further my writing, which wasn’t at all what I was considering. I wanted the assignment done.
I felt slightly embarrassed, though, looking at the skills and effort that went into all the other websites and then looking at mine in comparison, a drying worm to sharks. My writing, I thought, deserved better than the composite of Facebook and this wretched Kino-Gutai Bundle, for my writing was always something I cared deeply about, but never seemed to be competent enough to market properly. Nor was I willing to so easily abandon my principles to become a social media attention whore. So I looked at my blog following the class and decided that it needed to be majorly revamped now that I finally had time to work on this, my film work and paper writing being complete. Yet, this isn’t a why. This is the meager how, that prelude which whispers on street corners with promises of fantastical trips to the vice of transcendence. This is a modest first step to an arrogance.
So, we’re here. At Gutai-Pravda Assembly. Why are we here, then? At first, yes! it was but a dumping ground for the work of myself and an old friend, Schackalackmann, and the more we poured ourselves into establishing routine, placing work for months in advance, I felt tenderness for this conscription of codes and datum. Truly, I think I poured myself into this as much as I did so as to overcome a tremendous depression and heartbreak I was recovering from. And, when things seem bleak for me socially, I try my hardest and most sincerest to displace my attention to work, like building something so loudly that the power tools overpower the whimpering inside me. It’s an act of sublimation, taking my passions to ignite flames to the decay of gnarling and constricting plants so that I may replant the garden I cultivate within me with something beautiful. But we didn’t have a mission. We were just working and throwing ideas around, the two of us, with him always reporting back to me that it was indeed my brainchild.
But, if it’s the product of my mind, why ought I ever constrain that engine of idea and emotion, and so, I realized, this blog should be as daring as I hope myself to be. I became ambitious with this, and I let the ambition wrap about me, blanketing the cold skin on me and bracing me against everything. It is so very empowering to be given this open pasture, this freedom. Also, if it’s the product of my mind, it should host its darkness.
And there we find what I want. I am not meaning to say I host harmful or deconstructive presences, as I seldom allow those within myself to begin with. I absolutely do not intend on this publication and collective to be a harbor for malevolent intention. Instead, I want it to be an agent of good. But, the darkness I speak of isn’t one of outright malice or ‘evil’, rather it speaks to anguish and pain and sufferings and disenfranchisement.
Writing, for me, was forever the podium of inarticulate coldness in my soul, made palpable in the power of language, and I cherished that power. It was also a stage for my imagination to tell stories that I could never hope to see in reality or the multiplex. It also grows arms and tendrils and caresses the wounds of others, the ability of someone who cares to write. I learned this and I wanted to pursue this collective stress ball.
Schackalackmann and I, we have a lot of ideas being thrown around. We are flirting with the minds of other creative types to perhaps join us on this adventure. We want to become something prominent and something large and something spectacular. But to what end? As I was reading advisory sites on building site traffic, I noticed a few of them discussing the mission statement of a blog, a ‘why’, and that we did’t have that. We were, firstly, a dumping ground of short stories and, secondly, a playground for our absurdist natures, which is all fair because absurdity is life-affirming. So, in the flux of getting our awareness and name through the door, I’ve taken it upon myself to establish a persona, a banner, for what Gutai-Pravda Assembly is and why it is, at least to my awareness now.
We want to be true to our name, which we’ll discuss surely, and by that I mean an “embodiment of truth”. But because that is the most obliviously abstract thing to claim, we’re very open to interpretations. I have my take and Schackalackmann has his, surely (or not…. which is fine.) I want this site to be an open haven to madness and creative ricochets and sadness and a place where the taboo of being oneself is cast away in a violent coup. To grow up under the scrutiny and persecution of stigmas shouldn’t break us. We are broken by these chains of words, how language binds us and how people hurt us. Yet, we should strive to use language to empower us and to love people. Not even language of word, but language of reality, of our reality and how we perceive it and how we interpret the beauty of our worlds, respectively. I want that, I want people to come alive, I want the sexual and intellectual energy of existence to shoot supernova from what we do.
Will we succeed? I don’t know. I’ve never really known much. I’ve been forever playing it by the ear, I suppose, and really most of us kind of are in this unfamiliar era where our thoughts, like this nonsense blog post, can reach millions of consciousnesses in a matter of seconds. This is the bravest of new worlds and we are its conquistadors, so let’s embrace that unknown. I want, ultimately, a better attempt at understanding, for to understand fully is to fight every issue at the root of its existence. And to be understood. As do you. And you should.
I have a good feeling about this, so we’re gonna do our best to be entertaining, thought-provoking and brutally transparent with you, for we all deserve something like that.